What Do You Actually Want Abundance Of?

Becca and I had gotten invited to a wedding in California at the end of August. It was for a friend who’s been in our life a long time, and we weren’t going to miss it.

There was just one problem. We don’t necessarily have a lot of money flowing in right now. I’m stewarding a nonprofit and working on a few children’s books. Becca is pursuing work on how we can help all people, all beings, and our earth flourish as we make the transition into AI and AGI. None of it pays. And we’ve stepped away from most of our paid work to focus on these things.

It’s forced us to scale back. Less time at coffee shops. Less eating out. And the hardest hit of all, less travel.

We wanted to find a way to make the trip work as it felt like such a gift to be invited to share such a special weekend with Tom and Aviva. We got creative. It helps when you have a lot of airline miles. But that would only get us back and forth. We still needed places to stay.

Once we booked our flights, we started to reach out to people to share that we would be coming their way. We wanted to plan what hotels or Airbnbs we would book based on who we could see. As we started to reach out, something cool started to happen. Our relationship wealth started to show itself.

It started with Blair.

Blair and I met 2 or 3 years ago at an online event for impact-oriented CEOs. We’d had a lot of conversations since. But we’d never met in person. So, I reached out and told him we’d be out his way and would love to get together.

He said, “You and your wife are welcome to stay with me. I have a separate guest suite. Can’t wait to meet you!”

We were staying with Blair the first night of our trip. He was going to be out when we arrived. He sent us the door code so we could let ourselves in. This was before we had ever met in person. The next morning, he had to fly to New York. His instructions were simple. Stay as long as you like and just lock up when you leave.

Blair extending that level of trust may seem surprising, but it made more sense the more time we spent with him. For 14 years, Blair was the CEO of a highly regarded and respected B Corp. He jokes about it. “What type of company is hiring me as a CEO? What’s wrong with them?”

He got to the point in his career where he realized the best leader he could be was just being himself. Who he is at home is who he is at work. He doesn’t have to change that. The guest suite and the door code were just Blair being Blair.

Next, it was Brian and Malia.

Brian, Malia, and I went to Bowdoin together, but we didn’t really know each other back then. We met through our mutual friend Matt.

Most of our time together over the years has been Zoom calls and quick catchups. But now we actually had time. And the time we had with them was amazing. It didn’t hurt that one of the cannabis delivery services in their town was throwing a 10-year anniversary party at the iconic Sweetwater Music Hall.

The one thing that has really stayed with me from our visit was how refreshing it was to see how similar Brian and I are. I think we knew that. But I don’t think we’d have fully understood it without that time together. Brian and I went on two different 3+ hour early morning hikes. Our conversations felt like we’d been best friends from childhood.

The afternoon after we left, I received this text from Brian.

Just wanted to say how wonderful and refreshing it was to spend time with you and Becca. It was so great! I’m not quite sure if I’ve ever met someone quite as similarly insane/lovely/perfect/thoughtful as me before, but I think the similarities are pretty wild.

Malia just texted me this:

“You and Jeremy together felt like twin stars vaporizing the galaxy around you through nuclear fusion - it’s just an amazing amount of energy, enthusiasm, connection and curiosity for learning, living and growing. Please tell them that they are missed already!”

Wow!

And then, the reason we’d come. Tom and Aviva.

Tom was 19 when he started interning for us at Atayne. We’ve stayed close ever since. The relationship has developed and changed over time, but in all the best ways possible. Now he’s in his early 30s, about my age when we first met him. I think the one thing that has stayed consistent in our relationship is that despite the age difference, Tom and I have about the same maturity level. Wait, who am I kidding. Tom has always been more mature than me...

The whole weekend was beautiful. Everything was so intentionally designed. You could really see their personalities and love in every little detail. One of my favorite parts was the recessional song. Tom and Aviva walked out to Ray LaMontagne’s “You Are the Best Thing.” It’s the same song Becca and I walked out to about 16 years earlier. We looked at each other with huge smiles and teary eyes. Relationships have a way of circling back.

Then there were Duncan and Emily. Theirs was a relationship of a relationship.

We met them earlier this summer, back in Maine. Some friends of ours were visiting and staying in the guest house at Duncan’s father’s place. We went out to see our friends and got to talking with Duncan and Emily. They have a place nearby in Maine, but they live in the Bay Area.

We mentioned we’d be out their way at the end of August for a wedding. They said, “Well, you’re welcome to stay at our house.”

We might have met them before. I don’t know if any of us remember. But we knew we were all there around people we deeply respect and admire. That was enough.

So, on the back half of our trip, we stayed at their place. They weren’t even going to be there. They were back in Maine.

The airline miles got us to California. The relationships are what made the trip. We’ll take sharing a meal and an extra bedroom in someone’s home over the Four Seasons any day.

It got me thinking about abundance. And how contextual it can be. What is it that people actually want abundance of? Experiences? Relationships? Things?

For me, abundance starts with enough to live comfortably. And our standards for comfort are pretty low. We rent out our house and live in an apartment above our garage. We drive a basic Honda Fit that does an amazing job of getting us where we need and want to go. From there, the abundance comes from relationships and experiences.

Earlier this year, I sat with another Tom Haslett for a Campfire Conversation.¹ He shared a question I’ve come to think of as one of the real assessments of wealth. Who in your community knows and loves you, and who do you know and love in your community? If the answer is not many, then you might not be that wealthy. No matter what your bank account says.

By that measure, this trip showed us just how much abundance we have.

There was a lot of relational flow toward us on this trip. And we don’t take that lightly. So, we tried to thank people in ways we could. We brought dehydrated peaches from this year’s harvest to share a little taste of Maine summer. And we sent everyone a calendar from the FROM WITHIN art show.² Each one comes with a postcard of a painting we picked especially for them, and a note about why it reminded us of them.

Now, giving people a place to stay in Maine is a bit harder. Our apartment above the garage is 650 square feet. Not the greatest place to host.

So, earlier this year we decided to set up our Airstream as an Airbnb. Yes, people can pay to stay there. But more importantly, it will be a place for friends to stay if they come to Maine. And while we hope to have some financial flows coming our way from it, we know the real return will be relational.

I’d love to hear from you. When you think about abundance, how do you define it for yourself?

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This Substack is a production of Heart-Strong, a nonprofit centered around a simple belief. The world works better, for everyone and everything in it, when more of us are pulled by love than controlled by fear. We have an open invite for anyone curious about what that world could look like. Learn more at www.heart-strong.org.

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