For nearly two years, I’ve been sitting with an idea.
It started as a feeling more than a plan. A sense that some of the most meaningful conversations happen not in studios or conference rooms, but around fire. Where the crackle of wood and the flicker of light soften our defenses. Where we stop performing and start being present.
This summer, that idea became real. I sat down with Elmer Moore, a leader, father, and friend, for the first Campfire Conversation. We gathered at the ocean’s edge in Maine, built a fire together, and talked about purpose, vulnerability, and what it means to show up as a man in a world that often makes connection feel risky.
What emerged was far more than I expected.
Fire as Teacher
We started by talking about fire itself. How it demands attention. How it humbles you when you get overconfident. How it creates a kind of intimacy that’s hard to find anywhere else.
Elmer shared how fire allows him to slow down and be present in ways nothing else does. That humility and presence set the tone for everything that followed.
The Golden Words
About two hours into our conversation, Elmer said something that really resonated.
We’d been talking about the journey of personal growth, about how hard it is to look honestly at ourselves, to admit what we don’t know, to keep learning even when it’s uncomfortable.
And then he said this:
“You are years into a journey and a practice ahead of many, many, many people who haven’t committed themselves to thinking through this and loving their way through this painful experience of learning what you are not. Learning how far there is to go.”
I had to stop him. “Loving yourself through the experience of learning what you are not. Elmer Moore, folks, golden words right there. That’s what it is. Loving yourself through the experience of life.”
Because that’s it. That’s the whole thing.
Not figuring it all out. Not performing growth. Not pretending we’ve arrived.
Just loving ourselves through the messy, humbling, beautiful process of discovering what we’re not. So, we can eventually find what we are.
Why Men Need This
Throughout our conversation, we kept circling back to how men struggle with this kind of work.
Elmer spoke honestly about vulnerability, describing it not as weakness but as something that requires real strength. “I am strong enough to open myself up, knowing that if things go wrong, I can recover.”
He talked about how men are conditioned to avoid exactly this kind of emotional honesty. How we’re taught to suppress, to armor up, to never admit uncertainty or fear.
And yet, as we discussed, the refusal to be vulnerable is itself a form of weakness. Because true strength means being able to risk emotional exposure and trust you’ll make it through.
Connection as Currency
Near the end of our conversation, I asked Elmer what fire needs tending in society today.
His answer was immediate: connection.
He described the fundamental divide in our political and cultural moment. One side believes we’re interconnected and responsible for one another. The other has decided their responsibility is only to themselves. And that disconnection, that fracturing of our sense of shared humanity, is at the root of so many of our crises.
As he put it: “Connection is the most powerful currency.”
That line stayed with me long after the fire burned down. Because it’s true. And because it’s exactly what we’ve lost.
Why This Matters
This conversation is part of my Heart-Strong Adventure, a year-long exploration of where love and fear show up in our world, especially in the lives of men. The thesis is simple but radical: if we want to heal the world, we need to heal men.
Not because men’s pain matters more than anyone else’s. But because unhealed men, operating from fear, cause profound harm. And healed men, operating from love, can become powerful partners in creating a more just, connected, and sustainable world.
Campfire Conversations is one way I’m exploring this. By sitting with people like Elmer, around real or symbolic fires, and listening to how love and fear have shaped their lives.
If Elmer’s story sparked something in you, I’d love to hear about it. And if someone comes to mind who might need to hear this, please share it with them.
Because the stories we tell each other around the fire have always been how we change.
Learn more about the Heart-Strong Adventure: heart-strong.org
